Category: Poetry

you say you want to know the thoughts going through my head

but honestly feel like running instead

sitting here texting you looking at this blade

i feel like im dozing, feelin kind of hazy

i know i haven’t been myself lately

this really hard for me to write

my demons in me fight

i’ve been thinking mad hard about picking up a knife

nothing feels right

just want to take my life

heart break, scars and blood shot eyes

feelin like self medicating i don’t know why

so please don’t ask , i really hate that question

i don’t mean to keep you guessing

but it’s really hard to explain

sometimes i don’t even know why i’m going insane

don’t feel like i belong

maybe you’ll see a new side of me in this song

my soul feels weak

my mind feels numb

got my finger on this gun

should i pull the trigger or run

this ain’t no fun

my demons have won

i don’t do this so i hope it made sense

i’m kind of on the fence

i don’t know what else to say so i guess i’ll end it here

even if i had shed a few tears

i hope the next person you’re with loves all of your flaws like i did

even when they felt like claws, tearing me away

the claws that dug so deep i still have scars

i hope the next person you’re with doesn’t make you angry

that’s a fire no one can put out, i tried and only got burned

i hope the next person you’re with knows their worth

and does NOT let you take that from them

i hope they don’t get blinded by the way you say their name

particularly with those three words on the end

if your claws get deep into their back,

they can feel it in their bones

i hope they push them back out and say NO MORE

i really hope the next person you’re with gets treated better than i did

and this may be messed up, maybe it’s just

your roots are grown in me

i secretly wish they don’t make you forget me

I have scars that run so deep they cut through my bone.

You can only see a few, you can’t see them all.

You can never tell me that I haven’t lived through trauma, I’m too young to know the feeling of gasping for my last breath when I’m drowning.

Only I’m not physically drowning. I’m not in the ocean, with the waves crashing against my body. I’m not on a lazy river with the water flowing over me.

My own head is drowning me.

My own thoughts- my brain.

I can’t think.

I can’t feel anything but pain.

They’re suffocating me and I can not breathe.

I just want to be able to breathe.

I don’t want to think about going straight into traffic everytime I drive.

I don’t want to think about jumping off every bridge I see.

I don’t want to think about climbing to the highest building in my city and

That’s the moment I can actually breathe.

My thoughts are quiet and my feet are on the ledge.

I don’t feel the pain of my scars.

I don’t feel the pain of suffocating in my own mind.

It’s the calm before the storm.

Would it be painless if I just..

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